Over the last 2 years I have come to find that life happens weather we are ready for it or not. I just returned from a mission in Minneapolis Minnesota. I am not a usual returned missionary, I was only able to serve for 5 months. Now at first you would think I would be devastated by this, and believe me 2 months ago I was. I kept thinking to myself, why when I am giving everything would I feel so wrong about this? I felt I was giving 110% to my mission... and I was. I was consecrated, I was obedient, my "hatch door" was shut. Yet my desire and love to be there was no where to be found. This shocked me because I was told if I was obedient and worked hard I would be happy and come to love my mission.... I was told to keep going and my desire would eventually follow. I am here to testify that although that may work sometimes, others it is not the case. There is only so far we can push ourselves. I firmly believe in the idea of "you must be on higher ground before you lift someone else" and I can honestly say the last month of my mission I was mentally not on higher ground. Depression swept over me like a raging tide, I felt I was bobbing up and down in the water, treading through the tumultuous waves. I knew the Fathers hand was right there, reaching out to me but I could not grab his hand no matter how hard I kicked my legs. I felt as if I was drowning.
Does this sound familiar? I am almost positive that everyone has felt that at some point in their lives... could be on a mission, in motherhood, in schooling, the list is endless where Satan will creep in and try to tell you, you can't do this. Well he is right, I can't do it. I can't do it alone. God knew life would happen so he provided us with a savior Jesus Christ. I realized then that I could come off conqueror from this. I could go to the depths of hell and back because Jesus Christ descended through it all; and if I allow him to he will lift me up above the waves dashing all around me. What is hard is I am a very prideful person, I like to believe I can do it alone. There are times when I feel I can't ask for help because I wasn't lets say "strictly obedient" well our purpose on this earth is to find Joy and finding Joy may not come in being strictly obedient, it is by doing what we can and letting Christ take the rest. It is by following the doctrine of Christ first faith in the lord Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and Enduring to the End.
Life will happen weather we are ready for it or not, but with Christ in our midst we can be buoyed up. That is the purpose of this blog to show that every day we can find divine signatures in our lives that help us stay afloat and come off conqueror.
